They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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