My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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