YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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