Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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