also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
