sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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