Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
