I'm drive I can fine osifer
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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