So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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