Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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