thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
