I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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