guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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