I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
