I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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