I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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