Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
