I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
