I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
