She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
