I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
