I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
