Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
time to smoke my breakfast
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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