the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
