Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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