does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
