make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
