toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
