i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
