but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
bring money and cleavage
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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