so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
