belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
