Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
