you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
