I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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