Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
