OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
