More tranny stories later!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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