the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
