Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
