I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
