third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
