Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
