Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
so much tequila, so little girl.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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