Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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