idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
