Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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