It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
