So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
