i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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