There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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