Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
