The maid of honor just puked.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
