No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
