He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
