My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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