We're facebook friends in real life
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
