Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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