Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
