Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize