So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
