Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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