I haven't been this sober since birth.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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