I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
