I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.