I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.