He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost