I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.