So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
