Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
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