Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
