Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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