your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
