just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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