I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
