So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
